


Perspective

by redeem147



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-09
Updated: 2011-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-22 10:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redeem147/pseuds/redeem147
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought he'd loved her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perspective

He thought he’d loved her.

 

Through all the pain she’d caused him, all the heartache, all the degradation, that had been his one constant.

 

He’d lain down in that alley and let her pummel him because he believed that. Spent a summer babysitting a teenager to honour her memory. Spent the better part of a year as her sex toy because of what he thought was love.

 

But when he analyzed it, it didn’t hold up. He knew she was in pain, knew she couldn’t cope, and all he offered her was sexual release. Granted, it was all she'd take from him, but he kept on giving, didn't he? When he knew what she needed was to talk. Maybe a good therapist.

 

He knew she couldn’t deal with whatever it was she felt, but he kept pushing, over and over, to make the affair public. To tell her friends she was sleeping with the enemy.

 

When she broke it off, as he knew she inevitably would, he couldn’t let her go. He’d almost forced himself on her. Forced her to admit the love he was so sure she felt. What did he know about love?

 

But things were different now. He was different. Everything evil thing he’d ever done cut him like a thousand knives. Every victim screamed out for justice. Every day he lived in dreams of torment, when he could sleep. Every night was spent seeking restitution that he knew he could never give.

 

She was right. He was beneath her. Beneath everyone.

 

And she, who had been through so much pain, was still the shining champion. He realized, for the first time, the weight she had carried, even before she’d crawled from the grave. The weight of the world.

 

So, he’d thought he’d loved her.

 

Now he knew he’d never touch her again. He wasn’t worthy.

 

But he also knew that what he thought was love paled beside what the soul felt. He was hers, damn it, forever.


End file.
